For women, our experience of longing can be intense, overwhelming and delicious. We long for connection and fullness and intimacy as well as simple pleasures threaded through our everyday lives.
We long for the feeling of a loving caress against our skin, for the richness of that first sip of coffee in the morning, for time immersed in nature, for the feeling of sand under our feet and the heat of the sun on our skin. Many of us long for that first moment of penetration, when we become one with our lover in sacred union.
Longing is a part of life. We know it, we feel it. But, often we do not realise its significance and the role that longing plays in the expression of our feminine energy.
Feminine energy is represented by the feeling of aliveness in our bodies, the flow of feelings and sensations within, our capacity to nurture ourselves and others, our ability to follow the call of our intuition and the immense receptivity for birthing life (whether as a baby or a new project). Feminine energy has many flavours and experiences. It’s an essential part of life for both women and men.
In this case, we are looking specifically at woman’s relationship to longing, as I feel this has been severely diminished and it can reconnect us to a powerful sense of aliveness, fullness and capacity that is innate to our feminine expression.
Longing can be felt in many forms and flavors, including anticipation, desire, hunger, lust, hopefulness, suspense and craving. The anticipation of a moment of connection or nourishment can be a delicious and enjoyable longing. Sometimes, because of exhilaration or excitement, the anticipation will be even more delicious than the satiation!
Whereas, yearning for something that feels like it is “missing” in our lives can be an uncomfortable, and sometimes unbearable experience of longing. Longing can be overwhelming, and cause us to pull back from leaning in to really feel it.
Neediness is one expression of longing that is particularly common, and potentially troublesome. What I have discovered through my own journey with longing is that it will often show up superficially as me feeling ‘needy’.
I have learned to feel deeply into my neediness, and practice not becoming demanding or overly identified with the need. By feeling into it, I can discover what is going on for me beneath the surface, connect with the underlying longing and move through the feeling with more clarity.
When we experience a longing for connection, closeness and intimacy in our relationships – this is an expression of our inner longing for oneness with the divine. It is the longing to experience home within our bodies, to experience divinity in our daily life and to feel at one with everything. This may sound a little esoteric or “woo-woo”, but on a deeper level – this is the constant whisper to our feminine soul.
By allowing space for the feeling of longing in my life, I create more openness and receptivity in my body.
One of the ways that I practice this is through dance – actively cultivating a sense of longing as I dance allows me to open and surrender into my feminine energy. I dance with the part of me that wants to feel everything, the part of me that longs for fullness and to be immersed in feeling and sensation.
“Some men know that a light touch of the tongue, running from a woman’s toes to her ears, lingering in the softest way possible in various places in between, given often enough and sincerely enough, would add immeasurably to world peace.”
– Marianne Williamson
In relationship, it is important for me to feel that I miss or want (long for) my partner. Whilst I love spending time in connection with him, or sharing physical space but doing different things, there needs to be space where I am without him, where I return to my own energy and feel the longing to reconnect with him.
Longing can be a delicious part of sexual play. For example; for me, with my partner, I experience a longing to be penetrated. This quality of longing can be heightened in moments where my partner will tease me to intensify my longing and sexual pleasure.
The teasing touch that heightens longing can bring so much more pleasure, energy and delight into a woman’s body.
However, when enmeshment exists in our relationships, when couples are connected with one another all of the time, then there is no space for longing to be activated. This dilutes the feeling of joy in intimacy, diminishes sexual desire and creates a sense of being too familiar.
It’s important for both partners in a relationship to allow space for longing to arise, and for desire to refresh. We do this by allowing for time spent apart, nourishing our own energy.
A woman who nurtures and cultivates her own longing will be more connected to her sense of power, love and feminine essence. She will feel activated by her enormous capacity for receptivity and to bring forward love, healing and creativity in all areas of her life.