So many of us are going through big transitions right now. For some it is in the external environments activating the internal, others have quieter external environments but are still feeling strongly activated internally.
I have had a lot of external activations and big transitions all around me for 12 months now. There have been many situations that have been really difficult to deal with and sometimes I haven’t had the resources to deal with the particularly traumatic circumstances happening around me… and that included my own personal life and the lives of people I hold dear in my heart.
What I am noticing as I hold myself more closely is that my inner world was always going to go through transition this year. This year is the year for my world to change.
So whether these external events had happened or not, my consciousness had its own plan for this year – the further dismantling of my patterns, my beliefs, the holding in my body, the identification with the external, the identity of me in a particular way.
And so I am still quite strongly in a lot of transitions and I am more able to stay present with challenge than I was a few months ago when the state of trauma in my body was at an all time high… However, I need to monitor my energy and my choices day by day. How much energy do I have available for work, for social interactions, for conversations? It’s a very vulnerable place for someone like myself who has always been so identified with being capable.
It’s the most uncertainty I have experienced in myself ever. However, it may also be the most truthful place I have been in. Because I am not putting up the usual mask of coping, being capable, I can handle anything… and so on.
I am seeing myself and feeling myself more clearly than before and having greater compassion for my own humanity. And there are times when it feels really sweet and I am completely open, and other times where it feels unbearable to see and feel the parts of me that have been denied previously. And so I come back to staying close to myself…
This is quite a tall order when energies and currents on our planet are changing rapidly day by day; everyone is talking about how fast things are moving. And so, staying close to myself and being in touch with my humanity and checking in on my needs day by day is a strong position to hold.
I was sharing with someone this morning that I am noticing in the collective that our inner worlds are transitioning faster than ever before and so it is quite uncomfortable for many of us. I am pulling back from the temptation to point the finger outside to say that my discomfort is because of what is happening outside. I am sitting much deeper with myself than ever before. I am sitting in the depths. I am aware that I am being activated by the external at times, but the real pain and the real gifts are all on the inside.
And so day by day this is my advice for me.. and maybe you will find it useful too…
stay connected to my inner world,
stop and breathe,
place my hands on my body,
be alone, check in on my needs,
check in on my available energy for others,
move the body, dance, walk, yoga, run,
be in nature,
… And maybe some days simply stay in bed. Whatever is appropriate in each day, knowing it may be different for me each day… And I can ask for help and support… Share with others where needed… Trusting and allowing the process of life to work through me.
Sometimes I feel alone in the experience and can resist the sensation of aloneness but more and more I am feeling the gift in the aloneness… that then the journey really all begins and ends with me. And at the same time, I know I am not alone… so many of us are on this journey together right now.