Consideration and thoughtfulness are two small parts of what can have a BIG impact in your relationships. A love that is ongoing is built through many small heartfelt and generous actions and expressions.
With each loving gesture or effort in supporting the other, the trust, love and appreciation in the relationship grows.
In my relationship with Rod, the little things he does warm my heart, and help me to feel supported and cherished in our relationship.
Coming home late after running an event and finding that the bed covers have been pulled down and the bedside light is on, him checking in to see if I need the car before he makes his plans, taking me out for lunch when he knows I need a break from working at home.
It’s these seemingly small gestures that make all the difference, that have me feel connected and loved. It is love in action that supports me to know that he cares.
Getting his supplements ready in the morning, making his favourite sweet treats, rubbing his back at night when his body is locked up in tension – I do these things for Rod as a way of expressing my love to him.
It feels good to do these things for him and my heart is warm and full of love in the preparation and the giving.
When giving in relationship, generosity is the key. This doesn’t mean giving to the point of depleting yourself. But giving without agenda or an expectation of a return. There is a big difference between being generously loving in relationship and being a pleaser or beggar.
Genuine, loving generosity in relationship is a very beautiful thing.
Sadly, in my work, I often come across people falling into the trap of over-giving, pleasing or begging for love. When we over-give or attempt to please, we are giving beyond our limits and giving for the wrong reasons; and giving from a place of begging is when we give to get something in return.
These sorts of behaviors often have intentions along the lines of “if I do this, then she/he will love me.” Or “if I do this, she/he will date me, be intimate with me, do something for me in return” etc.
This type of “giving” that is laced with agenda, is a losing game for all involved. Often the agenda is felt by the other and can repel them, creating further distance. Or the hope for reciprocation remains unfulfilled, which can create resentment or bitterness, and can leave people feeling depleted and burnt out.
When I have been in the role of the pleaser – giving in order to get something in return – at some point, the resentments leak out, the bitter and tired feelings bubble up and let me know that I have been out of balance.
It certainly is not a foundation for a sustainable connection.
I know that when I give to Rod, my heart feels enriched and expanded through the simple act of demonstrating my love in a tangible, heartfelt and practical way.
Someone who is giving to their partner in support of their partner’s well-being has no underlying motivation other than to be loving, caring and supportive.
Giving from a place of fullness, giving for love and for the pleasure of the experience, giving to support a loved one without agenda – THIS is the kind of giving that creates feelings of love, enrichment and joy; the benefit for the giver is in the experience of giving itself…
This is real generosity.
If you would like to explore how to make a real difference in your intimate relationship, join us for our Heartfelt Tantra for Couples Retreat.