Tantric Nights, My Teacher!

From the very first night, the event sparkled and had a rich life of its own. It was bigger than me, it called forth a sense of community, and people were magnetised to love and nurture it in a variety of ways. Tantric Nights gave much to me and to everyone who attended. Generosity and abundance flowed in all directions; the love for this event brought forward so much fun, support and connection.

This was the dream I’d had two years earlier, an event that would bring people together. It was an event that was bold and expansive and joyous and included hugging, Tantric practices, dancing, sharing and more. It was the launch of a new era in spiritual events.

It was launched on a Wintery Sydney evening in July 2008 with 16 men and women present. Everyone was eager for more in their lives, looking for richer connections and deeper self-expression.

It was the beginning of a new social life for many. It provided a space for social transition to happen. Many remarked that it was much preferable to a night spent at the pub. The feeling that we cultivated was one of belonging and connection, without dogma and prerequisites.

It was a space in which I could experiment and try out new ways of facilitating. Some new practices arose via my own self-explorations and ruminations; other times activities that I tried with lovers became part of the program.

At the time there were no comparable regular events in Australia. Tantric Nights brought Tantra out of hiding and made it accessible to many more people. We created safety around the work. People could explore sexual energy whilst learning something new about themselves with their clothes on.

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The event established very quickly in Sydney, we had 50 people in the room by the third consecutive month. Soon after, the Melbourne community lovingly embraced it. Running the event regularly in two cities was an incredible gift, whetting my appetite for sharing more broadly. It was the first manifestation of my vision to Touch Millions of Hearts Globally.

A few years later we launched in Brisbane and there have been a handful of events in Canberra also. Last year, I did a one-off Tantric Nights in Glasgow. Certainly a well-travelled event!

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Tantric Nights taught me many things about facilitating, community and creating events. One of the earliest experiences was about receiving support for all the activities to create the event. I quickly discovered that people were delighted to be of service.

My second and maybe most profound lesson from this event changed me fundamentally as a facilitator. I was watching my pattern of nervousness and self-doubt prior to the event. I caught a belief that said, “They are waiting for me to make a mistake, they are going to laugh when I fail.” I started unravelling this thread – Who were they? Why did they want me to fail? 

I was projecting onto my new community. Realising this snapped me back to reality. I saw in an instant that if I messed up they would miss out on their fun and learning. Actually, all these people had a vested interest in me doing well, and my success at facilitating would mean that they would get to experience the fun and connection they were looking for. It brought me to a new place of love and flow as a facilitator because my inner doubting voice finally took a back seat.

Tantric Nights was the space in which I invited other people to facilitate with me, before handing it over to them for ongoing nurturing. Over the years many people have facilitated – Alison, Ben, David, Lilamani, Dig and Helen held space regularly: Tantric Alchemy training participants took their first public steps into facilitation; and special guests have been invited to share their gifts.

It was a big challenge for me to hand the event over to be facilitated by others, and on the first occasion that this was to happen, life intervened. I had a severe migraine so I had no choice but to stay at home and leave it in Alison’s very capable and loving hands. My lesson – then and now – is in letting go and trusting, knowing that I can’t do it all.

Tantric Nights was the springboard for events such as Beauty of Woman, Intimate Nights, and Tantric Nights for Couples. It also gave me the courage to create 3 and 5-day retreat programs, which inspired a 12-month training program.

I am delighted that Tantric Nights has inspired many others, leading to the creation of more community events over the years.

One of the legendary experiences that many in the Sydney community still talk about is Valentine’s Day 2009. An evening where we had 80 people booked, which felt like it would be a tight squeeze for the venue. But we were being brave and saying yes to making it work. Another 26 people turned up at the door, it was a squishy and delightfully cosy night indeed.  

Thousands of men and women around Australia have attended Tantric Nights. There have been tears, laughter, orgasms, deep heartfelt connections, joy, dancing, hugs, hugs and more hugs. Hugs that have lasted longer than some people ever thought possible.

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I am constantly humbled when people tell me something happened at Tantric Nights that changed their life. It has catalysed people on their journey; it’s activated people to understand that so much more is possible in intimacy; men and women have come to understand themselves more deeply; and they have loved every moment of the exploration.

So many people, including myself, have formed lifelong connections – this is what will remain in my heart as the lasting memory of this event. As Tantric Nights winds up, myself and many others will be reflecting with gratitude on the beautiful connections made over the years and the ways in which the experiences have touched our hearts.

I would love to infuse this post with the flavours of everyone who has been touched by this remarkable event. Everyone has their special moments, that memory of what happened, how it changed them, the difference it has made in their lives.

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A dear friend, Upasana, recently wrote this about Tantric Nights, and I feel inspired to share it now:

“This is certainly an ending of something that has been part of my life for a number of years now. Tantric Nights did not exactly change my life, but at a time I had initiated so many changes, it provided me with support and most importantly, with a safe space within to explore aspects of who I was and what I wanted to embody. It gave me support to make the changes I wanted to make. It gave me the opportunity to identify my fears and my courage. I remember these events as warm, fun often funny places in which I was surrounded by seekers and experimenters-of-the-best-kind, but was able to be simmering in wonderful, rich, individual, feminine aloneness. I learned my yes in those nights, and I found my ‘no’s’. I fell in love with my sisters and found so many ways to love the masculine. I really loved these nights and will always think of them with gratitude and affection. Love you heaps Martina.So excited for you and for Alison. I love that you know when to begin and when to call the last dance.”

And now it’s time to take a bow. To all the amazing community that have surrounded this event and loved and nurtured it, thank you for all your contributions. To all the generous people who have assisted at the events with such loving care, thank you for being of service.

To everyone who has facilitated at Tantric Nights and brought your version of wisdom, fun and inspiration to play – thank you from the bottom of my heart. I loved being able to trust you with my precious creation.

Tantric Nights, you have been my child, my teacher, my inspiration, a connection to source and so much more. Thank you for all the moments – big and small. I feel that you have now merged into something even bigger again. The backbone of all the work I do and that many others are now doing. I love you!

To myself – thank you for listening and trusting and knowing when to play and when to call time!

With love and heartfelt connection,